


Broken Glass

by LokiLover84



Category: VIXX
Genre: F/M, Feels, Pain, Suffering, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 08:31:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16114688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiLover84/pseuds/LokiLover84
Summary: You have dealt with a lot in your short life, and one night it all becomes too much. You make an attempt on your life, not knowing that the one who can help you heal is right in front of you.*CAUTION: SUICIDE ATTEMPT INCLUDED!!! DON'T READ IF THAT'S A TRIGGER FOR YOU!!*





	Broken Glass

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this work is a moderately edited work by Queennie (heart-baek-bleed) over on Tumblr. Suffice it to say that this was her way of working through her issues, rather than attempting what her character in the story does. It was just too beautiful and deep not to post. I post with her blessing, of course, and Queennie, I hope I did it justice!! :D

_ I want to leave. _

 

_ I want to forget the pain. _

 

_ I want to fade myself. _

 

_ I want to...kill myself. _

 

Life didn’t have meaning for me. It’s hard, being an autistic person in a world that sometimes doesn’t seem to care.

 

I know that, but it still hurts. Today, I talked about my dear friend of my problems and later on, I told her I wanted her to make a surprise gift for her to cherish. I kept saying "I'm sorry" to her, feeling as if I had dumped all my problems on her. It made no sense, but felt so much internal pain for sharing my problems. I took a break, trying to settle my nerves, but later, when I went back to my dear friend to talk, a message popped up:

 

"This Friend Cannot Receive Messages From You."

 

I go to her blog and it won't load, despite the strong interest connection. I realized that she silently blocked me. I blocked her back. And that is the last friend had broke my promise...and my friendship.

 

Countless times in the past months, my dear friends blocked me. And when I search for and find new friends, they had no replies for me and some blocked me, thinking that I am a robot.

 

I cried so hard while I am scrolling through my dashboard. I felt so fucking useless. My friends blocked me and continued to talk to someone else other than me. They are being selective as fuck. They are also being two-faced as fuck; I have a sneaking suspicion they’re talking about me. 

 

_ I'm not a normal person. I am a doll that no one wanted to play with me. I'm a garbage that had been thrown away. I'm like...a glass that is broken. _

 

I shut myself down, especially to my past friends who pulled me down. I had enough of those broken promises, fake friends or friends who used me. I finally ended all of my favorite friendship stories. I lost all of my best friends.

 

And now, tonight, I want to end myself.

 

~~~~~~~

 

Tonight, I punched the mirror using my right fist, thinking that I hated myself. I stared at the broken mirror, then glanced down to see my blood flowing over my hand and dripping into the sink. I can’t take it anymore.

 

I want to leave this world tonight. They will regret it. They will forget me. They will also be sorry.

 

I went back out to my room, remembering all the past times I got hate, breaking friendships and having fake and broken promises that we kept. I destroy my things, knick knacks and memories thrown in shards on the floor. I cried and screamed as I released the pain and rage inside me. 

 

I only stopped when I ran out of energy, my body sweaty and my face tear stained. 

 

I want to delete my painful memories. I want to delete myself so that they will forget me.

 

I raced to the kitchen and I saw the knife on the counter by the sink. I snatched it up, slicing at my arms. I want to end myself right now. The pain was searing, but nothing like my the storm raging inside my heart. Blood drips slowly to the floor, and I become dizzy. I leaned on the wall, slowly sinking to the floor, closing my eyes against the spinning of the room. I can almost feel my skin slowly turning pale. That is a sign of myself slowly disappearing into distance. I slowly became weaker and weaker and then...I closed my eyes and the world turned black.

 

Then, I heard the very last sound...the sound of the door opened.

 

_ "Y/N, I'm home now." _

 

Footsteps, and a blur of pain and guilt. I didn’t want them to be the ones to find me, but who else was there? And Ravi… Oh God, what have I done? The footsteps halt, and suddenly speed toward me. His voice comes, soft with pain and desperation. 

 

_ "Y/N? Y/N? Wake up, Y/N." _

 

Another voice. Hongbin.

 

_ "Oh my God, she's bleeding?!" _

 

_ "What happened to her?" _

 

_ "Nevermind, call the ambulance right now! She needs medical attention!" _

 

~~~~~~

 

The ambulance arrived within minutes, the six members of VIXX watching with fear and desperation as the medical aides carried her on the stretcher to the ambulance. Ravi was the most concerned, insisting that he ride with her and not taking no for an answer. 

 

When they are in the ambulance, Ravi held her bloody hand. Tears fell into his eyes as he teared up, "Please be okay...Y/N please stay with me." He checks her pulse to make sure she will stay alive.

 

When they arrived at the Emergency Room, she was immediately rushed inside. Ravi wanted to go to see her but the nurses prohibited him from going into the operating room.

 

Ravi insisted to go but Leo and Ken pulled him to calm him down. "Hyung, don't you get it? You cannot go inside!” He sank down onto a chair, burying his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as the others gathered around, trying to soothe him. 

 

_ "What if Y/N is gone?" _

 

Ravi asked between tears. 

 

_ "I need her because I love her so much, and I never got to tell her that. How could she do such a thing? Why didn’t she ever come to us and tell us something was going on?” _

 

_ "Okay okay, settle down everyone.” _

 

Hyuk’s soft voice cut through the tension.

 

_ “Hyungs, let's head to the convenience store and grab something to drink while we will wait for Y/N's condition.” _

 

Leo nodded, and Ken offered to go as well, leaving N and Hongbin to stay with Ravi. They returned not long after, loaded down with several bags of snacks. Each of them took something, though none of them was really hungry. 

 

Hongbin shoved a small sandwich at Ravi, concerned. 

 

"Ravi, I know Y/N is important to you but you have to eat. Starving yourself and worrying too much won’t help her.”

 

His soft voice had Ravi agreeing and taking the offered foot silently. He ate automatically, not tasting a thing. Time seemed to creep by, and eventually they all gave up to sleep, Ravi last, as they waited for news. 

 

~~~~~

 

I slowly woke up and blinked against the bright lights. After a moment, I realized that I was in a hospital hooked up to machines. My wounded lower arms and hands were bandaged with fresh white gauze. 

 

_ This wasn't right. I should be gone. I should be dead. Why do they want me to stay alive? _

 

My heart is racing. I should leave, I want to, but I can't. Just then the door opened. I glanced over in fear and saw him.

 

_ "Y/N?" _

 

I heard his deep yet soothing voice and I began to tear up. His face was a mask of concern, and I felt horrible for making him worry and hurt. 

 

_ "R-Ravi...?" _

 

"Y/N...I'm so glad you’re ok! The rest of the members are worried about you. And so am I. I know you haven’t felt well for the past few weeks, but.. What-why wouldn’t you come to me if you felt like hurting yourself?"

 

I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. I turned my face away as the tears came, sobs spilling from my lips. He slowly walks over to me and leans over the bed, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I curl into his warmth, his soft whispering voice soothing me. I can feel Ravi cried silently as well, his shoulders shaking as he whispers to me, telling me to let it out and saying that it will be okay.

 

Minutes later, I wriggle in his embrace. He pulls away, cupping my cheeks and staring deep into my eyes.

 

_ "Now, tell me what's wrong?" _

 

~~~~~

 

I talked for half an hour, pouring out everything. Ravi just listens, not saying anything, but holding my hand comfortingly.

 

_ "And that is the end of the story before you and the guys found me and brought me here." _

 

There's a moment of silence after we talked about the incident from the past months to yesterday.

 

Ravi began to tear up once again but I stayed quiet. I can hear him crying and it hurts me so bad, but what comfort can I offer him when I’m the cause of his pain?

 

_ "Y/N, listen to me please. You have to talk to me, when you’re in pain or hurt or feeling you want to cry, you have to tell me. You should've told me earlier. Look at you, your arms and hands. I never want to see you like this again." _

 

I could not take it anymore, covering my face with my hands to hide from him. 

 

_ "Your life is worth living. You are so young Y/N. I'm here for you, whenever you need me. You are not alone as long as you have me, right? I'm here to love and support you, even when we’re miles apart. You are very precious to me, Y/N." _

 

I lifted my head up in shock, the tears stopping abruptly. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? His dark eyes look into mine and I feel like he’s staring into my soul.

 

_ "I love you Y/N. You understand, right?" _

 

He looks so scared and hopeful that I can’t help the smile that curls my lips as I nod.

 

_ "I love you too, Ravi. So much. You’re like my very own angel." _

 

His lips were suddenly on mine, and my eyes fluttered shut as I wrapped my arms around his neck.I could feel the darkness of my body and soul turned into light, my heart slowly mending. I finally felt free. 

 

~~~~~

 

It was weeks before I was discharged from the hospital, due to my injuries. I had to take several mental evaluations before they’d even consider letting me go home, and even then it was with the misgivings of the hospital and the doctors who had treated. But I wanted to be home. They’d told me it would take time for my arms to heal, and that I’d likely always have scars. All I could do was watch and treat them. So, everyday after I finished taking a bath, I put ointment on the and rewrapped them.

 

Today, being alone since the guys are out promoting for a few days. I have nothing to do after I bathe and eat but wander through the empty apartment. I don’t want to watch TV, and none of my books look interesting. I’m about to throw myself down on the couch and try to take a nap when the doorbell rings. I climb from the couch with a sigh and head to the door, opening it to find the mailman with a letter I have to sign for. I do so, shutting the door with my foot as I rip it open. Tears well in my eyes and I blink them furiously away as read:

  
  


**To My Very Dear And Precious Y/N,**

 

**I know you were in a bad place before, and you’re only just starting to get better, but let me tell you once again:**

 

**You cannot take your life away. Life is so precious, and you have so much to live for. If you had succeeded in taking your life, you would never have seen me again. And I would never have looked into your beautiful eyes again.**

 

**Always remember when everything else goes wrong, I am here for you. I'll be right here to listen.**

 

**If the things don't go well for you, I will be the first one to hold out my arms to comfort you.**

 

**Remember that I cared about you. It's alright to be not okay, or cry a lot. I'm sorry if I failed to protect you. I will never make that mistake again. Remember that you have so much more to experience in life, and I’ll be right there for you through it all!**

 

**I'm right here beside you. Think about me when you’re sick or sad.**

 

**Remember that you will always be in my heart. I love you to the stars and back. You are my eternal Starlight, Y/N.**

 

**I love you. Now and forever.**

 

**Your love of your life,**

 

**Kim Wonshik**

 

I heard the sound of the doorbell as I finished reading, so I turned to open the door, shock crossing my features. 

 

_ "I'm home, my love." _

 

_ "Ravi...H-how do you manage to come home?"  _

 

I asked curiously.

 

_ "I managed to convince them to let me come back early. I wanted to be here to see you after you received my letter. Now I have time to be with you, and maybe we can cook something special for just the two of us."  _

 

Ravi answered with a smile.

 

I slowly began to smile. He has come home. To me, for me. He finally has some time to hang out and talk to me. He is really my precious angel.

 

And now I realize I’m no longer broken glass.

 

Because Ravi...is there with me. Thanks to him, I will slowly get stronger. If things are ever not right, I promise that I will tell Ravi earlier so that I will never be in this position again.

 

I softly peck his plump lips as he wraps me in a hug. He was home and I finally felt safe again.

 

~THE END~


End file.
